Anyhow, God saw Netscape (made using Unix and C, of course), and he saw it
was good, and that annoyed Bill quite a bit. And that made Him very happy,
and made Marc very rich. But Bill was already very very rich. But that's a
completely different story.
But as good as Larry's creation, Perl, was, it couldn't do everything, so
God created Scott. Scott announced Java, and this was big news. Now Java
really pissed Bill off, because Bill also created Blackbird, and Java killed
Blackbird. This was bad because killing Blackbird also meant killing the
Microsoft Network. And many rejoiced over that, but that, too is another
Now Java, obviously had done much to annoy Bill. For Java was so good that
Bill had to license Java. All this time, Scott poked lots of fun at Bill
because Sun, which was where Scott worked, made a better OS, derived -- of
course -- from Unix, which was better than Bill's and Microsoft's Windows.
Anyhow, even God's creations Steve and Steve who created Apple couldn't make
Bill license the much superior MacOS. But finally, Bill had to license Java.
So justice was served, and Bill's ego was served him on a platter for him
to eat his words. Or something. That part is unclear.
So by this time Windows and Microsoft and Bill in general really sucked.
Especially considering the advantages that Brian and Dennis' C and Unix,
running Marc's Netscape and Mosaic over Tim's World Wide Web, doing cool
CGI stuff with Larry's Perl, which you learned from Randal and Tom, and got
to program with Scott's Java.
And God realized he had put Bill down too far. So then God made it so that
Marc's Netscape and Mosaic could run on Windows. We already know that Bill
had to license Java from Scott. We know that Bill missed the boat for not
beating Tim to the punch on the World Wide Web. The last straw was for God
to make it possible for Larry's Perl to run on Bill's Windows.
So back to Tom. Tom was a Perl God. And God didn't like this, but Tom's a
God so there isn't much God could do, so He couldn't stop Tom from saying
things like "install an operating system on your poor lonely computer the
way God and Dennis intended", and "Espousing the eponymous
/cgi-bin/perl.exe?FMH.pl execution model is like reading a suicide note -
three days too late."
The moral to the story? God is fickle. That's why Microsoft and Bill and
Windows exists. Do what God intended, install C, Unix, Mosaic/Netscape,
Java, and Perl on your system, and make Brian, Dennis, Larry, Tim, Tom,
Randal, Scott, and even Steve and Steve, I'm sure, happy by doing so.
Oh yeah, Linus was cool too. He's the guy you thank for being able to run
all the cool stuff on your crappy little Pee Cee. (anything with x86 on it,
by default, is crappy, no PERSONAL flames intended)
Glossary (courtesy, Dr. Priest, CITS):
Brian and Dennis -- of Kernighan and Ritchie Fame for developing the "C"
language at Bell laboratories. "The C Programming Language" - the "bible"
for C programmers.
"C" -- came after "A" and "B" -- perhaps the most flexible and
extensible language for programming
Bill -- Bill Gates (who else?)
Tim -- CERN's Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of HTML and the web
Marc -- Marc Andraesson, developer of the graphical browser at NCSA --
Mosaic, founder of Netscape
Larry -- Larry Wall, Associate with O'Reilly and Associates (previously
Unisys and Seagate)
Randal -- Randal Schwartz "Eclectic Tradesman and Entrepreneur", Stonehenge
Consulting Services, previously, Tektronix, ServioLogic, Sequent
Larry and Randal -- Authors of "Programming Perl, 1st edition"
Perl -- "Practical Extraction and Report Language" sometimes referred to
as "Pathologically Eclectic Rubbish Lister"
Tom -- Tom Christiansen, Free-lance consultant, previously with Convex
Larry, Randal, and Tom -- Authors of "Programming Perl, 2nd Edition"
CGI -- "Common Gateway Interface", used for making web pages interactive
Scott -- Scott McNealy, CEO of Sun Microsystems
Java -- locally run code on a PC, received, usually, from a web site
Steve and Steve -- Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, co-founders of Apple
Computer. Jobs went on to found NeXT, which created NeXTstep, an
object-oriented Operating System for various platforms. NeXT was later
acquired by Apple Computer. What's next? "The Woz"
went on to do other amazing and often legendary things.
Linus -- Linus Torvalds, creator of Linux, which is a free version of the
UNIX operating system for PC's